


Show Me How To Lie

by Xqueenie



Series: You're Gonna Go Far, Kid [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Force Bond, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren/Ben Solo dichotomy, Possible Dark!Rey, Quasi-Jekyll and Hyde Kylo and Ben, Temptation, copious amounts of sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-16 21:27:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9290324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xqueenie/pseuds/Xqueenie
Summary: Rey is bound and determined to bring Ben Solo back to the Light side, no matter how far down this path he's gone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 2017, my fellow reylo trash! I haven't updated in forfuckinever, but I've been fighting a pretty bad writer's block for the past few months. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!
> 
> And now! To start off 2017, I present a very plot-driven sequel to my ridiculously popular fic, [You're Gonna Go Far, Kid!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8347795)
> 
> Can't wait to keep the sin rolling!
> 
> And don't forget to follow me! [Tumblr](http://xandraqueen.tumblr.com) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/XandraQueen)

At breakfast, she noticed. 

She noticed how many eyes were on her when she wasn’t looking, and how all of them turned away when she was. The table she normally sat at with Finn and Poe and their friends was empty except for her. She’d gotten some food for herself, knowing she should eat, but her stomach was still roiling after all that had happened in the past twelve hours. She picked at a sweet roll, slouched over on her elbows on the table. 

She noticed the chatter, too.  _ Is she alright? I thought she was under control. What happened yesterday? We really shouldn’t talk about it. What do you think this means for the war? _

Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. She slammed the roll down on her tray and stormed out of the dining hall. 

It was a gorgeous day outside, not that she cared. She found a nice spot under a tree, curled into a ball, and sulked for a while. Luke found her there, Rey felt his presence before he made it within fifty feet of her, and didn’t bother looking up to speak to him.

“If you’re going to say what I think you’re going to say, don’t.”

Luke raised his eyebrows at her, then crossed his legs and sat down next to her. “I wasn’t going to say anything. I just thought you might like some quiet company.”

Rey could only stay quiet for a second. “...do they ever stop being so… loud?”

“What, everyone else’s thoughts?” Rey nodded, and Luke shook his head. “No. Ordinary people don’t ever realize how loud they are in their own heads. I’ve learned to tune them out over the years.” 

“Years.” Rey huffed. Luke nodded, and there was another beat of silence between them, before Rey whispered, “They hate me.”

“No one hates you, Rey.”

“Maybe not, but they’re scared of me, at least!” She pressed her palms to her forehead, trying to keep herself from going hysterical. “I thought you said I was making progress.”

“I did, and you are, Rey. But that much power takes a lot of time and patience to learn how to control.”

“But I’m  _ trying _ . Nothing I do works. It’s like it’s all coming to a boil inside of me, and if I don’t let it out, I’m going to explode!”

“I can’t tell you exactly how to channel it, Rey,” Luke was trying to reason with her, and she could tell he meant it sincerely, but that did nothing to help her frustration. “You’ll have to figure out for yourself what the Jedi teachings mean to you. I can only show you what to learn, how you learn it is up to you.” 

Rey sighed. “Isn’t there a way to… I dunno, balance myself?”

Luke furrowed his eyebrows at her. “Balance yourself?”

“Yeah. You said that there has to be balance between the Light and Dark sides of the Force, but what if there was a way to do it so you have… I dunno, both sides in balance within yourself?” He was looking at her like she was crazy. She groaned in frustration and got back up from her place beside the tree. “Forget it. I need to be alone.” She didn’t wait for him to respond before she marched back towards the barracks.

As she sat on her bed, she closed her eyes and tried to meditate, tried to clear her head. Calm herself down. 

She thought about Ben. Even if it all happened in a dream, it felt more real than anything she’d ever felt before. She wanted that feeling of being close to him, his arms wrapped around her. She felt safe with him.

_ “Rey?” _ His voice was so distant, like he was shouting across a chasm. She couldn’t see him, but she could hear him. It was definitely Ben. 

“Ben, I’m here!” She tried to shout across to him, her voice carried as if riding on the wind. “I need to talk to you! Can you hear me?”

“I can barely hear you! You’re too far away!” His voice was further away now, like the chasm between them was widening. “Rey?!”

“Ben!” She kept shouting after him, but his voice kept getting fainter and fainter the more she shouted. He was moving further and further away, until she opened her eyes and was back on her cot in the Base.

“No,” she said, “no, no, no, no,  _ NO! _ ”

Nothing was working. She could feel every gaze, hear every thought from the mess hall earlier. And according to her teacher, the man who was supposed to know better (The Last Jedi for fuck’s sake!) She was supposed to use these outdated, emotionless rules to keep the galaxy in balance?

And it wasn’t like she wanted to go to the Dark Side. She’d been inside the mind of Kylo Ren, she’d seen what the Dark Side had done to him; practically turned him into a living embodiment of turmoil. She had no desire to become the same. (She also had no desire to be like him, out of spite if nothing else.)

She needed to step back. She needed to look at this situation and see what she really wanted. 

She needed to get away.

* * *

She'd been tired before. She'd been starved, exhausted, and pushed to the very edge of her physical limit on Jakku. Survival was never easy on a waste planet such as that.

But this was a different kind of tired entirely.

She was tired of everyone expecting things of her. She had this power inside her, something she was born with and never asked for, and for some reason, that meant that she was suddenly the most important person in the galaxy. The Light and the Dark were both fighting for her attention, but she didn't want any of this. What she wanted was simple, and no one ever seemed to care.

So what was there left to do but run?

She didn't dare take the Falcon. It was too easy to trace. But a generic x-wing fighter? That would have hardly been noticed. Besides, an X-Wing didn't require more than one pilot, and she didn't want anyone to know where she was going.

Her movements were mechanical. She didn't know where exactly she was going, she just knew she was going  _ away _ from the Resistance Base. She found herself on a highly-populated planet, in a seedy little bar. She hardly had any credits, but the few she had she planned to spend tonight.

She didn't want any of this.

She had nowhere to go, no one to go back to. If she disappeared, people would miss her for a second, but then they would move on with their lives and find the next big hero to save the galaxy. She wasn’t special; plenty of people before her had Force-sensitive powers, and plenty of people after her would have them too. 

The bar under her elbows was cold— or maybe her body temperature was rising. She reached into her bag to look for another couple of credits for another drink, but her bag was empty. The patrons in the bar around her kept thinking so loudly, she could hardly hear her own thoughts. 

The fucking Force. What business did this disembodied universal energy have in making her miserable? She couldn’t control it, so what was she supposed to do? Just let it drive her mad? She wanted it to stop. She wanted to be numb.

She flagged the bartender down; she’d done this before, she could do it again. Sure, it wasn’t the most ethical thing to do, but when she thought it over, she didn’t particularly care.

She looked him directly in the eyes. “You will bring me another drink.”

The bartender’s eyes glazed over, and he straightened up. “I will bring you another drink.”

That was too easy. No wonder Kylo fell to the Dark Side, it must have been harder to keep himself from defying all of Luke’s rules. She hated the guy, but at least she could finally see where he was coming from.

Funny that she didn’t actually see him coming.

“We meet again.” 

Her first thought was that the voice was in her head again. Because he hadn’t left her alone yet, why start now that she knew they shared some mystical connection? She groaned and rolled her eyes as the bartender passed her her drink. He seemed to move away too quickly, like he was afraid. “Yeah, yeah. Like you’ve ever left me alone for a second.”

“Rey.”

Oh. He actually  _ was _ standing behind her, she could feel his Force signature humming in the air. It didn’t faze her whatsoever. She turned around to take in that stupid fucking mask, threw him a scowl and went back to her drink.

“Kriff off.”

“…are you drunk?” He was trying to keep his voice steady and unemotional, but she heard an undertone of surprise in there somewhere.

“Maybe. Fuck do you care?” No sooner did she say it than her drink was sliding out of her hand and further down the bar. She snarled at him and reached for it, but slid off her stool. When she stumbled and started to fall, she froze in midair. She glared at the black-clad figure, who had his arm extended, keeping her from hitting the floor. 

“I suppose I don’t,” He rotated his hand, setting her on her feet before releasing her, “but you’re not exactly being subtle here. Did you know this planet is under the jurisdiction of the First Order?”

“...no.”

With his mask on, his chuckle sounded inhuman. “You’ve made this far too easy for me. Will you come quietly, or do I have to keep you quiet by myself?”

“I’m going nowhere with you, fuck off.” She slid back onto the bar stool, grabbing her drink and holding it tighter this time.

“I didn’t think you were capable of such colorful language.”

“ _ Maker _ , you are stupid,” she groaned, “why can’t you just leave me alone?”

She could feel his anger flare. Good. “Power like yours—”

“ _ Don’t you get it?! _ ” Rey was shouting now, “I don’t care! I don’t want this power, I never asked for it! You pester me and pester me about joining you, but you’re no different from the Resistance!”

He was angrier now. “You  _ dare _ —”

“Shut UP!” She threw her drink at him, with no benefit. He stopped the glass and the liquid in midair, and used the Force to set it on the bar. She used this opportunity to turn tail and run out of the bar. She knew he would follow her, but she wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. She wanted to go—

...where? Where did she even have to go? Back to the Resistance Base? Back to stifling her emotions and trying in vain to control this power by sheer will alone? Back to the worried glances of the Resistance fighters, to the concerned and even pitying looks from Finn, from Poe Dameron and General Organa? Back to Luke’s dusty rules that didn’t even work?

Or would she rather go back to Jakku, where day in and day out, she would be taken advantage of by that wastoid Unkar Plutt? Sandstorms, fighting for a dwindling supply of scraps with other scavengers, the portions that barely kept her alive? All for what, waiting for a family that she now knew was never coming back?

“I can help you control it!” He shouted after her, “Skywalker’s frigid old Jedi Code isn’t enough for you, is it?” She rolled her eyes and finally stopped, turning back to look at him. He continued: “It wasn’t enough for me, either. Allow me to show you the ways of the Force, to harness it and bend it to your will… and you can have anything you want.”

“How do you know what I want?!” She snarled back at him, “How could you possibly know what I want?”

“I’ve been inside your mind.” He stalked closer to her, his head tilting slightly to the left. “You were lonely, waiting and hoping for your family to come back for you—”

“But they never will,” Rey said, “I know that now. That doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon doing what’s right.”

There was a beat of silence between them, then Ren looked around them; the street they’d wound up on was all but abandoned. He reached up and pressed the release on his helmet. The hydraulics hissed, and he reached up to take the helmet off. 

He was just the same as when she’d last seen him in that dream, but somehow, it was much more striking to witness his face in person again. The last time she’d seen him in person was on Starkiller Base, as the chasm opened up between them, keeping her from finishing him. The scar had healed well; somehow the jagged trail of deep pink stretching from his forehead, across his nose, and down his jaw suited him. He was paler than she remembered, if that was at all possible. Heavy bags hung under his eyes, the deep brown intensity of which had lost some of its fervor. 

“What’s right for who?” He tucked his helmet under his arm, regarding her with a steady face, “Who are you fighting for, if not for yourself?”

“I’m not selfish.”

“I didn’t say you should be. There’s a difference between caring for yourself and being selfish. You want to find your place in the galaxy, don’t you? If you would open yourself up to me—”

“Maker, you really don’t listen, do you?” Rey groaned and rubbed at her eyes, “I’m going back to the bar.” 

Ren scowled and grabbed her arm, preventing her from walking away. “Why won’t you let me—”

“Because I don’t want what you think I want!” She slapped his arm, trying to get him to let her go. She was starting to get hysterical, tears welling up in her eyes. “No one’s ever asked what I want! You want me to be some sort of weapon for the Dark Side, the  _ Resistance _ wants me to be some sort of hero for the Light, but no one’s ever bothered to ask me if I  _ want _ any of this!” 

“What  _ do _ you want?”

“ _ I just wanted my family back!” _ She was still drunk. One of her feet slipped out from under her, and she went limp, breaking into sobs. Ren was still holding her arm, but hardly supporting her weight. “I just… wanted my family back…”

Slowly, he lowered her arm, and she sunk to her knees, burying her face in her hands. She was showing weakness, something she hadn’t shown anyone for as long as she could remember, but for reasons unknown, she couldn’t bring herself to care. Emotion poured out of her like a burst pipe, shaking her body and making her chest ache. It was like her whole world was crashing down on her head: she couldn’t hold it up anymore, and the only thing she could do was cry.

Kylo Ren said nothing more. She knew he was there, but she didn’t feel threatened by him. She just wanted him to go away. Just as she thought she was going to fall over and curl into a ball, she felt the touch of leather to her temple. Her eyes closed on her tears, her jaw went slack mid-sob. The last thing she felt before she slipped into the black were a pair of strong arms around her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your support and your wonderful comments you guys!
> 
> If you guys really like this story, I've got a surprise for you~   
> Once this story finishes, I'll be turning it into a book! The details about the publishing are still in the works, but I'll keep you guys updated.
> 
> Don't forget to follow me! [Tumblr](http://xandraqueen.tumblr.com) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/XandraQueen)

This was the second time she’d woken from a deep sleep in a strange place. 

Evidently, it was also the second time she’d woken feeling well-rested. She’d spent fifteen years’ worth of nights on Jakku, in her makeshift home in her cold little hammock, where everything was always full of sand and never comfortable. And even if she’d had a fluffy feather bed in her AT-AT, her nights were often spent lying awake, mulling over one thing or another. Anxiety that her family would never come back. Plans and mental maps of the junkyards, where she was going to scavenge the next day. Her mind wandered and ran away from her, to a little green island in the midst of a vast ocean. She’d hoped that the image of the crashing waves and the swaying trees and the cool breeze billowing up against the cliffs would lull her to sleep.

It was that image that Kylo Ren had stolen from her mind after their first meeting. 

This time, instead of being strapped into some restraints, she woke up in a bed. For one sweet second, before she came to her senses, she revelled in the feeling of having gotten (what felt like) a full night of sleep. Before her eyes opened, she sighed and curled tighter into her comfortable little ball. 

Then, the headache hit.

She’d been through fifteen lean years, she’d been starved and dehydrated. She knew how to ignore a migraine. She blinked her eyes at the light filtering through the window beside the bed; it was too bright. After a good rub to her throbbing eyes, she glanced around the room. Dull, earth-colored walls surrounded her, and aside from the bed, a table, and a plush lounge chair, there were no other furnishings in the room. There was an open door next to the chair, which opened to a refresher unit, and a closed one, which she assumed was the exit. 

Which begged the question: where in the name of the living Force  _ was _ she?

_ A way station. _

That’s right. Kylo Ren.

“I suppose you’re going to explain yourself, monster?” 

_ Only if you stop calling me ‘monster’ _ . 

The door to the room opened then, and in stepped… something she wasn’t expecting at all. 

In all their encounters through their involuntary bond, Kylo Ren had always appeared wearing the same black robes as when they first met. Rey was convinced that he owned nothing more than what he’d worn on Starkiller Base. And yet, here he was, no mask, no black robes. Instead, he could have been one of the scoundrel traders she’d seen back on Jakku: tan cargo pants, a dark blue tunic, and a hooded cloak thrown over his shoulders. He looked so startlingly normal that Rey hardly recognized him at first. If it wasn’t for his Force signature brushing against hers, she would have thought some stranger had just entered the room.

They stared at each other for a moment, each expecting the other to speak first. Kylo slung a bag off his shoulder and tossed it onto the table.

“There’s food and water.”

Only after he’d said something did Rey manage to find her tongue. She slipped out of the bed and crossed her arms. “What are you  _ wearing? _ ”

“A disguise.”

She rolled her eyes. “No shit. But  _ why? _ And where did you bring me?”

“I told you, it's a way station. A stop along one of many smuggling routes.”

The unspoken truth that they both knew the moment those words left his mouth: Han Solo. That was how Ren knew this place. His father must have shown him when he was still a boy. The final image of Han was seared into both of their minds, and Rey didn't touch their bond as they both thought of him. She didn't want to know what was going through his head as he drove his lightsaber into his father's heart. She didn't fancy the thoughts or musings of a murderer.

“I didn't think you owned clothes that were any color other than black.” Rey said, stating her thoughts from earlier to divert the conversation. 

“I relieved them off a vagrant who had no need for them anymore.” 

Rey scowled. “Of course you did. Because what else should I expect from the Hound of the First Order? Murdering an innocent man for the clothes on his back.”

The amused look on Ren’s face was infuriating. How dare he smirk at her like that? She wanted to punch him. “I didn't mention murder. I just said he didn’t need them anymore.” 

“Uh huh.” Rey glared at him, crossing her arms. “You still have yet to tell me why you brought me here.”

“You needed a neutral place to sober up.”

“How uncharacteristically nice of you.”

“Well, before I bring you to the Supreme Leader.”

“Ah,” Rey nodded, finally understanding, “So I'm your prisoner again.”

“Traveling companion would be better suited to the situation,” Ren sat in the lounge chair, taking a bite of one of the pieces of food he’d brought. His long legs stretched out of the chair as he slumped down into it. “Although, ‘future student’ would be fitting as well.”

His posture, the clothes, the lopsided smile-- Rey’s heart turned to ice and dropped into her stomach.

Ben. He looked like Ben.

It wasn’t even just how he looked. Of course he would look like Ben, he  _ was _ Ben at one point. But through the bond she shared with both sides of this man, Rey had felt him. His signature was almost identical to Kylo’s, but with some differences. They were both intense, smug, emotional; but Kylo lacked the radiation of warmth that Ben put out. The feeling of safety she got when she was with Ben wasn’t there with Kylo.

_ If there’s anyone in this galaxy that can bring me back, it’s you. _

She didn’t know what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. The power she held inside-- the living Force that flowed through her was enough to save the galaxy… or raze it to the ground. She hated this eternal struggle between the light and the dark, the dichotomy that seemed to rule the universe. It was crude, having only two paths to choose: one of supremely haughty superiority, or one of utter barbaric depravity. She didn’t want either of them.

What she wanted was Ben back.

He was a perfect distraction in a time of turmoil. She wanted that safety that she felt with him, and the only way to get it back was glaring her in the face. She could see Luke’s disappointment, perhaps even heartbreak at losing another student, but she had no choice. This was the only way to get Ben back.

“Fine.”

Confusion rippled through the bond as Kylo Ren looked up at her. “Come again?”

“I said fine,” Rey raised her eyebrows at him, “I’ll go with you.”

Kylo squinted at her, standing from the chair and looming over her once again. “I don’t believe you.”

Rey shrugged at him. “Believe me or not, you’re taking me to Snoke anyway, right?” She turned away from him, reaching up to untangle her hair from its disheveled buns, “I don’t know what I want. The light, the dark…” She sighed and combed her fingers through her hair. “I don’t know where I belong. I have no family, no place in the galaxy… You offered that to me, didn’t you?”

He watched her with an attentive gaze, slipping his cloak from his shoulders. “...I did. You could have a place at my side, I could give that to you, and… more.”

She knew what he meant immediately. “It was just a dream.”

“I know,” he chuckled, stepping closer to her to lean over her, “but you can’t lie to me. I felt what you felt.”

And they both knew the opposite was true too: she’d felt everything he’d felt too. His pleasure, his awe— reverence. Adoration. He’d said she was made of the stuff of stars, and she knew he meant every word. 

“I need a shower,” she said, quirking her eyebrow at him, as she turned away again. “Don’t think that this means something, monster. I’m doing this for myself, nothing else.”

She missed the lingering smirk Ren cast after her as she disappeared into the ‘fresher.

Problem #1: She could hear Kylo’s thoughts. Whether it was intentional or not, she could see images in the back of her mind-- Kylo imagining her in the shower. What a jackass.

Problem #2: In trying to ignore the images in her head, she focused on the shower. It was then that she noticed the unit wasn’t like the ones she’d seen before on Jakku. Sonic showers just had an on/off switch-- this one had knobs and a temperature gage. It was a hydro shower.

Problem #3: Rey had not a single clue how to use the damned thing. 

The only foreseeable solution made her angrier. Because she didn’t quite know how to block him out of her mind yet, she knew Ren could feel her frustration too. 

_ I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.  _ She took a deep breath and turned back around to open the door again.

Ren was leaning against the table, trying to hide an amused look. “Is there a problem with the shower?”

She glared at him. “...It’s a hydro.”

“What, never taken a hydro-shower before?”

“...shut up and help me turn it on.”

He chuckled and walked past her into the bathroom, and she grudgingly followed. As he was leaning into the unit to turn on the water, he glanced back at her. “You’ll have to take your clothes off, you know.”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “Why?”

“Hydro and Sonic showers work differently,” He turned the knob a bit, showing her, “You turn this and it gets hotter or colder, but you won’t get clean if you leave your clothes on.”

“Fine.” Rey crossed her arms and waited, but he just continued to stand there. “...well?”

“Well, what?”

“I’m not undressing for you, get out!”

“You know how to wash yourself?”

“...no.”

He raised his eyebrows at her and turned around as he started stripping his tunic off. “I’ll help, then.” Rey could feel her face turning red, and she looked away as he continued undressing. “Come on, it’s not like I haven’t already seen you naked.”

“Don’t remind me,” She growled, slowly stripping off her clothes, “If you try anything—”

“I won’t.” When she turned back to look at him, he was entirely naked. He didn’t look any different than he had in her dream, but seeing him in the waking world was… somewhat more striking. 

Her eyes trained on his left side, where a healed patch of scar tissue marked his bowcaster wound from the night they met. He saw her looking, and the amused look on his face vanished. They could both hear it— the igniting of his lightsaber, her scream, Chewie shouting— the memory only lasted a second, then Rey looked away and finished pulling her clothes off.

“I did what I had to.” He said softly.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Her voice sounded more vulnerable and hurt than she wanted it to. “You had a choice.”

“No, I didn’t.” He said, climbing into the shower. “You’ll understand. In time.”

She didn't want to understand. She just wanted to forget that it happened. He made room for her as she stepped under the water. She could hardly contain her shiver of surprise at how the water felt on her skin. It was amazing, soothing even. She didn’t think she could ever go back to using sonic showers again.

The feeling of hands running through her hair snapped her out of the initial shock. She turned around to glare at Kylo, and he held his hands up defensively. “I’m just washing your hair.”

“Washing my-”

“Yes, your hair. Turn around.” She complied, and he continued to lather her scalp. He was surprisingly gentle, the way he massaged the suds into her hair, and she closed her eyes as the feeling got better and better.

“When was the last time you actually washed your hair?” Why the hell did he sound so disgusted?

“Well, not all of us are stuffy little princes,” Rey answered back, “So probably… the last time my parents bathed me, I guess?”

Ren snorted, combing his fingers through her hair under the water to rinse out the suds. “If it looks like this when you haven’t washed it in over a decade, think what it might look like if you weren’t a filthy scavenger.”

“You can’t insult me, monster.”

“Who said anything about an insult?” The suggestion was nonchalant, but it was enough for her to turn and look at him. He wasn’t looking at her; he’d turned around to grab some more soap, and Rey couldn’t help a little gasp when she saw his back.

Scars crisscrossed him, some older than others. It looked like he’d been attacked on more than one occasion, with more than one weapon. The biggest one stretched from the back of his left shoulder, across his spine, and down to just above his hip bone. Before Rey knew what she was doing, she reached out to graze her fingertips along the length of it. About halfway down, Ren whirled around and caught her wrist in his hand. He looked angry, but not enough to scare her, just enough to warn her not to do that. To show him that she definitely wasn’t afraid of him, she reached up with her free hand to trace along the scar on his face. Her mark, the one that had won her their first battle. 

A strange sense of pride overwhelmed her as her fingers slowly slid down the bridge of his nose to his cheek.  _ This is mine _ , she thought. 

_ Yes _ . She heard him say back. He wasn’t angry anymore; in fact, he sounded almost lustful.

Her fingers drifted from his cheek to his jaw.  _ Almost like _ …

From his jaw to his neck.  _ Almost like you marked me as yours that night _ .

She looked up at him with fire in her eyes as her hand came to rest on the scar on his shoulder. The look on his face wasn’t what she expected; she couldn’t even describe it. It was mainly lust, but not the same lust she’d seen in his eyes before— this time, his eyes weren’t just hungry, they were waiting. Waiting for her to do something, or waiting for her to say something. To give him any sign that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

But there was something else there, too. Curious, she reached out with her mind and brushed against his, and found more restraint than she thought he had. His heart was pounding, his mind brimming with adoration, but he really was waiting for her say-so. He was at her complete disposal, and  _ he loved it. _

Just then, an echo of a memory. She was seeing an image of herself in the snow: brows furrowed with determination, trying to hide her fear as the blue light from her saber lit up her face. Seeing herself from the outside was strange, but what was even stranger was the feeling. She remembered how terrified she’d been, fighting for her life, thinking Kylo Ren was going to kill her, thinking he’d already killed Finn. But what Ren had been feeling, seeing her like that? It was the same thing he was feeling now.

He wanted to be hers. 

The scars on his back were markings of punishment. Mistakes, bad decisions, and the cruel tutelage of a fanatic master. But the scar she’d given him— to him, that was something entirely different. It seared away all the other marks others had left on him, and left behind nothing but the burning of her eyes. The feeling was so strong, Rey actually stumbled back from him in the shower. They looked at each other for a moment, surprised, then Ren leaned over her, resting his arm on the wall above her head.

“The Jedi Code says to deny yourself passion,” He murmured, his face inches from hers, “I won’t deny myself this passion I feel for you. Will you deny me?”

There was an unspoken understanding that passed through their bond that if she did, he would discontinue his pursuit of her. But Rey traced her fingers along his scar again, and again she felt that same rush of power— maybe even stronger than before. Knowing that he loved her possessiveness over him, that she had him in the palm of her hand; it made the feeling stronger. Something about this swell of power and pride made her disregard her previous reservations.

“Let’s get dried off first.”

The moment they stepped out of the ‘fresher, Kylo had her pinned to the wall. Her body arched against him as their lips crashed together, and she scrabbled to get a hold on his shoulders. His hands shifted from her waist to her hips to her legs, pulling her up against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and he lifted her like she was nothing, pressing her back against the wall. 

For a while, they kissed and held each other. He kneaded her ass, and she tangled her hands in her hair. All the while, the bond was a live wire, thoughts and feelings crashing against each other like waves from opposing currents. His burning red, passion, rage, desire, clashing with her deep blue, her longing, solitude and rough apprehension to the world around her. The image stayed suspended in the living Force between them, of their lightsabers clashing in the freezing air, the blue and red light blending and glowing purple in the dark. 

This time, instead of their Force signatures battling it out, they melded together. Every kiss, every touch, every little thing they did set off sparks that Rey had never imagined she’d feel. For a fleeting moment, she reminded herself that this was actually the first time anyone had physically touched her like this. She'd been with Kylo and with Ben in dreams, but nothing she could dream up could compare to the real thing.

They tumbled onto the bed, Ren on his back and Rey on her hands and knees above him. His hands left lingering trails of heat as they caressed her hips, her waist, her stomach, and finally, her breasts. She straddled his hips, very much aware of his hardness nudging against her backside. 

In their connection, their minds seemed to occupy the same space. She could see him laid out before her, but she could also feel his emotions and hear his thoughts. He wanted her, but more than in just one way. He was hungry for the energy that flowed between them, lapping up every clash of their minds like a starving man. 

Rey sat herself up, pressing her hands to his chest, basking in his lustful, wanting gaze. He was completely at her disposal, and what scared her wasn't the power trip that came with it, but how much she loved it. Kylo didn't move, watching her carefully, waiting for her to initiate something.

It took Rey a moment to realize that she wasn’t nervous, but she wasn't entirely sure what to do. This must have been evident on her face or through their bond, because the moment she realized it, a smile worked its way onto Kylo’s lips.

“Nervous?”

“No.” she said, sort of unsure.

He chuckled and sat up, his hands stroking her sides as he kissed her again. “Don't think about it. Come here.” 

He guided her up on her knees, laying down underneath her. When she started to ask what he was doing, he smirked up at her and buried his face between her legs. She let out a yelp as he flattened his tongue against her clit, and she braced her hands against the bed’s headboard as he started lapping at it. His hands kneaded at her thighs, and she trembled as his lips and tongue moved relentlessly against her heat. She moaned and gyrated her hips, grinding against his face. He sputtered and laughed, then closed his lips around her clit and sucked. Hard. 

The noise that came out of her throat wasn’t human; she’d never heard herself make any sound like that before. She looked down at him, shocked, and he looked back at her, smug and proud of himself. She reached a hand down to tug on his hair. His eyelids fluttered and he moaned against her, suckling again on the sensitive nub. She whined as she felt her orgasm building, and he flicked his tongue in a steady rhythm, coaxing her to the edge. Her fingers fisted in his hair as her climax rocked her to her core, and he moaned as he gave one last hard suck.

Her legs trembled as Kylo pulled himself up to meet her again, and she wrapped herself around him, meshing their lips together and tasting herself on his tongue. He brushed up against her thigh again, and she reached down to stroke his leaking member. He hissed and moaned as she pumped him in an unsteady rhythm, and he bit into the meat of her shoulder as he came on his chest. He seemed to go lax; like a giant wildcat, slumping over her and causing them both to flop onto the bed. Kylo leaned close to nuzzle her cheek and nibble her ear, and Rey could have sworn that she heard very faint purring. 

His Force signature, that’s what it must have been. Their minds were still melded, much less clashing now, and more like flowing together. The push and pull of their connection was almost rocking them both to sleep, but they both knew they weren’t done yet. 

Rey’s fingernails on his scalp earned her another kiss, this one slow and deep, with more feeling than she thought she could muster. When they pulled back, they looked at each other, shocked at the foreign emotion bouncing back and forth between them in their bond. 

“..do you—?” She asked, not needing to finish her sentence.

“Yeah,” his eyes twinkled with a mischievous light, “I feel it too.”

“It’s nothing serious,” even she didn’t believe her words. Something was burning deep in the both of them, something they saw in each other, and felt through the bond.

He chuckled at her, kissing under her jaw and down her neck. “Whatever you say,  _ kid _ .”

There it was again, the flash of a smirk, the tender touch and kiss of a man who was supposed to be gone. It was getting harder to separate the two of them in her head now, and she had to remind herself that technically, they were the same person. No wonder she was going for this so easily.

She sat up on him then, lifting her hips to rub her sopping wet heat against his flaccid cock. He actually whined, something she'd never thought she'd hear this powerful force user do.

“I-it's… sensitive.” He explained, resting his hands on her arms.

Rey smirked at him. “Oh? You mean  _ this _ ?” She emphasized the last word with a slow drag of her hips against his, drawing a long moan from him.

“Yes! Yes, that.” 

She had him completely wrapped around her finger. Maker, she enjoyed this. She took his right hand off her arm, guiding it down to her sex, and he understood the invitation. They kissed again as he impatiently wriggled a finger inside her. She gasped against his lips, pushing her hips against his hand to create more friction as he slowly worked it in and out of her. He added a second as her lips brushed against the scar on his cheek.

“Fuck, I can't take this,” he groaned, curling his fingers, “I need you.”

“Not yet,” she warned, “You need to be patient.”

And he whined again, laying back as she pressed her hands against his shoulders. This just got better with every action. He'd only get what he wanted when she said he could, and she loved it. She kept him going until she felt him at full hardness again, then she coaxed his fingers back out. He watched her, eyes practically glowing like embers, as she grabbed his shaft to line him up. 

Right as she pressed the tip to her folds, she met his gaze. “Say please.”

He groaned. “ _ What? _ ”

“You heard me. I wanna hear you say it for once in your pathetic life,” She smirked down at him as she teased him, keeping him right at the edge, “Ask me. Nicely.”

She could have sworn she felt him grow more. He swallowed, parted his lips, but didn’t say anything. The more he hesitated, the more Rey waited, the more she pulled away. She lowered his cock again, and he winced, like saying ‘please’ was going to be physically painful.

“Please...” He whispered.

“Like you mean it.”

“ _ Please _ ,” he said a little louder, “Please, I… need it. Need you.”

Smirking, she guided him back to her entrance, then closed her eyes and tried to relax as she slid down on him. She stopped about halfway, taking a shaky breath as his length stretched her far more than his fingers had. Pinpricks of pain ran through her, but it was a different kind of pain than she was used to. Each pinprick was followed by a tiny rush of pleasure— overwhelming pleasure. Once she’d adjusted to the first half, she groaned as she slid down the rest of the way on him. 

When he bottomed out, Kylo gasped and gripped her hips, throwing his head back. “FUCK!”

“Ssssshit,” Rey hissed, trying to get herself situated to do this properly. She pressed her hands against his chest, starting off with a roll of her hips.

She reminded herself: they’d done this before, even if only in a dream. But it hadn’t felt like this before; this intensity, this pure, unbridled need. She wasn’t sure which feelings were hers and which were his anymore— or if they shared the same desires, through their bond.

The bond. Somehow, Rey didn’t know how she knew, but somehow the bond was enhancing the experience. She felt her pleasure  _ and _ his pleasure, and she knew he felt the same. She was hardly moving on top of him and they were both getting closer. She clenched and rolled nearly her entire body, and his hands came up to cup her breasts as she moved. Her own hands traced up his arms, moving up to rest on top of his hands, and her moans got higher and higher-pitched the closer she got.

Kylo started getting impatient. His hands went to her hips, gripping them so tight she was sure she’d bruise, and he started thrusting upwards.

“Fuck,” he muttered over and over again, “Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck— _ ”

She kept her movements fluid and slow, dangling his release just out of his reach. She wanted to make this power she held over him last as long as she could. 

Which, of course, wasn’t very long. They were both close. They moved in unison, until Kylo’s hips canted up, driving himself as deep as he could. Rey could feel him shaking under her, and she rolled her hips one more time, clenching down on him. He gripped her sides as he arched back, letting out a strangled cry as he hit his climax.

“Shit,” he whispered as she pulled off of him, rolling to the other side of the bed. He looked at her, struggling to catch his breath. “Shit, I’m sorry.” When she sighs, he tries to apologize again, “I’m sorry, Rey, I didn’t mean to—” 

She cut him off with a look. At first, he thought she was mad at him, but just as he was about to say something, she laughed and turned away from him. She didn’t say anything, just curled onto her side and pulled the sheets over her shoulder.


End file.
